Here’s the thing about weddings: everyone’s got advice. Your mom insists you need a receiving line. Your best friend swears by their wedding planner. And don’t even get me started on what Pinterest thinks you should do.
But after photographing hundreds of weddings, I’ve noticed something interesting. The most beautiful, memorable celebrations often ignore the ‘rules’. Instead, They focus on something deeper that rarely makes it into the picture-perfect Instagram posts or trendy wedding blogs.
So, I’m going to let you in on 10 real secrets. Not the kind about which fonts to use on your invitations or how to fold napkins into swans. These are the things I wish every couple knew before their wedding day. The stuff that actually matters when you’re standing there in your dress or suit, heart racing, about to marry the love of your life.
Prefer to watch my video instead of reading?
This video was compiled from my Instagram and TikTok short-form videos, that combined received over 1 million views. It’s safe to say there’s a LOT of hard-won wisdom here, that really resonated with viewers!
These aren’t just photographer’s tips (though yes, I’ll tell you exactly what makes for amazing photos as that is a huge worry most people have). These are human tips. Because at its core, your wedding isn’t a photo shoot or a production – it’s a celebration of love that deserves to be experienced fully, authentically, and joyfully.
Let’s discuss what really makes a wedding day magical and why the ‘perfect’ wedding might not be what you think it is. It’s amazing what a little reframing can do.
Table of Contents
Prioritize What Truly Matters
This tip is about the importance of prioritizing what matters most to YOU as a couple. When it comes to wedding planning, it’s like a million little decisions. It’s easy to get caught up in the trap of trying to make everything perfect. But here’s the thing: you can’t do everything. And trying to will leave you feeling super stressed and your budget woefully depleted.
I encourage people to take a step back. Focus on the one or two things that are gonna make the day feel special for the two of you. It might be a really kickass band because you love live music or a killer dessert table because eating dessert is your favorite thing to do.
Whatever it is, prioritize those things. Let the rest go.
What matters is you and your person intentionally creating an event that showcases your values. A wedding is the first intentional collaboration that two people pull off together. So if you two decide that actually an elopement is what suits you best and what exemplifies our values the most, then make your decision and stick to it. There may be some compromise needed, but that’s the beauty of marriage.
It’s tough to stand firm when there are unique family dynamics, peer pressure, and social media pressure, but that’s what a wedding is – it’s your first time designing something that has intention and meaning behind it.
When you get married, you create a new family. Every family starts on a foundation of knowing what you stand for, which is where establishing and standing firm on your values comes into play.
It doesn’t have to be stressful to plan a wedding if you know what your wedding is and you’re not trying to do everything or be everything to everyone. You got this, and it’s going to be amazing.
Plan Solidly (But Don’t Over-Plan)
‘Solid planning is the key to living in the moment on your wedding day’. I’ve used that line for years, and it has become my unofficial motto! It’s how I explain my approach to weddings – even though I’m not a wedding planner.
A solid wedding plan makes this kind of day possible. It serves three key purposes:
- It’s your blueprint for figuring out how the day will play out
- It ensures everyone’s responsibilities are outlined and agreed upon
- It gives you peace of mind, knowing you’ve thought through the what-ifs (no second-guessing!)
With a well-planned wedding, you can let go of the stress and be present from getting ready to last dance.
That said, the most relaxed, joy-filled wedding photos often come from couples who planned… less. Not less carefully, but less tightly.
When every minute of your day is scheduled, there’s no room for those spontaneous moments. Or a knock-on effect ensues when hair & makeup runs 15 minutes late, or the ceremony had to begin later than slated.
I always recommend building in buffer time throughout your day. An extra 15 minutes here and there might not seem like much, but it gives you room to breathe.
Some of my favorite moments have happened in these unplanned pockets of time. Remember: a relaxed timeline makes for a relaxed experience.
Let Go of Perfection
What if I told you that the secret to wedding photos you’ll love has nothing to do with finding the perfect light, looking flawless, or mastering posing? What if the key was embracing the beauty of imperfection instead?
Authenticity is important to me as a wedding photographer. I don’t do much body or skin retouching. Why? Because authenticity matters more than perfection. Once you start nitpicking at small things, it’s easy to spiral into hating your photos because you see more and more that could be ‘perfect’.
Instead of focusing on what can be retouched, I want you to feel amazing in your skin before the big day. Work with a hair and makeup artist who enhances your natural beauty. Find an outfit that makes you feel confident, not one you’re constantly adjusting. Choose vendors who make you feel comfortable and supported.
Do you know what’s truly beautiful about a wedding? The actual experience of it. The messy, multi-layered glory of living in the moment. It’s hard to immerse yourself in the day if you’re constantly worrying about a stray hair or a crease in your dress.
Chase beauty, chase art, chase meaning but don’t chase perfection.
Chasing perfection is a fool’s errand. It’s a recipe for disappointment, stress, and unnecessary expense, because those retouching requests after the photos are delivered do cost extra – if they can even be achieved in a realistic way. Those little ‘imperfections’ you’re worried about? They’re actually part of your story – the genuine, lived experience of your wedding day.
Embrace Confidence
Do you want to know one thing that photographs well, never goes out of style, and is the biggest key to getting some of the best wedding photographs? It’s confidence!
You notice many things about how and whether a photographer creates an environment in which you feel comfortable. Some of this starts before you even inquire. Do you feel confident in the photographer you’re choosing? Do they have the experience working with a wide variety of people, and a portfolio full of happy, relaxed faces? If you’re uncomfortable around someone, you will not feel confident.
So, give yourself permission to express your inner confidence on your wedding day. Many of my couples are always concerned with others looking at them or tend to dislike drawing attention to themselves. Get used to the idea that this is the ONE day when it’s all about you!
There are also practical ways to convey inner confidence. These include carrying yourself gracefully, standing up straight and making sure your movements are deliberate (such as placing your hand somewhere so it’s not dangling). Also, ensure your clothes fit well and you’re wearing the proper undergarments underneath so you’re not tugging at your outfit, or worried about showing too much.
Your photographer will coach you and encourage you every step of the way. So don’t worry if none of this comes naturally or you’ve never done anything like this before. To anyone who needs to hear it, you have full permission to bring your most confident self to your wedding day, to let all of those fears, doubts, insecurities, worries and stress go. However, if there are aspects about your appearance you’re insecure about, tell us so that we can minimize the appearance of those things.
As your photographer, I can help create an environment where that confidence blooms.
Stay Present in the Moment
Your wedding will be perfectly unique – but it won’t be perfect. And that’s exactly how it should be. You’ll be amazed at how beautiful everything feels when you’re actually there, living it. The stuff you’re stressing about now? Most of it won’t even cross your mind on the day. Nor will anyone even notice.
Remember that the cake will be eaten, the dress will be hung back up, the flowers will wilt, and the DJ will play a final song – but the memories you make while fully present? Those are forever. Instead of chasing perfection, chase moments. It will make everything feel much better.
Take intentional breaks throughout your wedding day. Really pause. Notice the way your partner looks at you. Feel the joy in the room. Take mental snapshots of these moments. These are the stories you’ll tell at anniversary dinners and share with your children someday.
Hire a photographer who will do justice to your memories. Soon you’ll blink and be celebrating your fifth anniversary. Your photos should capture not just how your wedding looked. They should capture how it felt to be there. How it felt to be present. How it felt to celebrate the start of your marriage.
Show Your Love
This may sound like a strange one – of course you’re in love, you decided to get married, didn’t you?! What I mean is you can show your love for each other more than you usually would. Many of my couples have been in relationships for years, even decades! It’s safe to say you’re no longer feeling like love’s young dream!
Well, this is the one day to feel all the love. Get excited about your partner, even if you’ve known them since high school and lived together for 10 years. Remember the romance, the spark that ignited when you met or fell in love. It’s about making the commonplace extraordinary and allowing yourself to feel excited by your partner and the promises they are making.
Because here’s the thing. A couple who is in love will photograph well. That’s it, that’s the secret!
We don’t make the magic happen, the couple does.
Sure, we’ll pose you beautifully and flatteringly, but those aren’t the most meaningful moments. The magic comes from holding hands, staying close, and stealing glances and kisses in-between moments. It’s about those natural expressions of love and connection that make truly memorable photos.
Remember to be kind to each other throughout the day. Small moments of tenderness and patience go a long way in creating beautiful, authentic images that showcase your unique chemistry and connection.
Remember Your ‘Why’
In the whirlwind of wedding planning, it’s easy to lose sight of why you’re doing this in the first place. Remember that the most stunning wedding photos capture not just how things looked, but why they mattered.
Your ‘why’ might be different from everyone else’s. Maybe you’re celebrating finding your person after years of searching. Maybe you’re marking the formal start of the family you’ve already begun building. Perhaps you’re bringing together two cultures, or celebrating a love that wasn’t always accepted.
Whatever your ‘why’ is, keep it at the center of everything. Let it guide your decisions. Let it shape your day. Let it be the thread that runs through all the moments of this special day.
Because when you’re clear about your ‘why’, everything else falls into place. The stress over napkin colors fades away. The pressure to please everyone disappears. What remains is what matters: your love story, told your way.
Ignore your Photographer
The secret to incredible candid photos isn’t a mystery; it’s about forgetting your photographer is even there (at least for some parts of the day!). Consider this your permission slip to do just that.
Here’s what most people don’t realize – those lovely little candid moments happen when you stop trying to create them. When you’re just living your day, feeling your feelings, and soaking in every second with your favorite people.
Sure, we’ll have our moments for those gorgeous posed shots. But between those orchestrated poses, the real magic unfolds. It’s the quiet glance you share during the ceremony. The way you throw your head back laughing during the speeches. The tender moments helping each other get ready. That moment you went off together after the ceremony and had no idea anyone was watching.
Having a second photographer ensures that no moment goes unnoticed. While I capture the main events and focus on the couple, they’re finding those beautiful side angles and focusing more on the guests. Those subtle moments you might not even know were happening. They’re capturing your mom wiping away tears in the corner or your best friend’s reaction to your speech.
These unposed moments are what give your wedding gallery its soul. They transform your photos from a simple record of the day into a genuine story of your love. They’re real, raw, and perfect in their imperfection.
So on your wedding day, just be you. Feel all your feelings. Laugh until you cry. Dance like nobody’s watching. I’ll be there, camera in hand, making sure none of those precious moments slip away.
Stop Comparing Your Wedding
Consider this your gentle reminder to stop comparing your wedding to others you see online and those of friends and family. As humans, we can’t help but compare things, but the old saying is true, comparison really is the thief of joy.
But how do we avoid getting swept up in the comparison game and influenced by all the perfect weddings we see on social media? First, remember that much of what you see online isn’t the complete picture. I know photographers who share literally the most gorgeous, high-end weddings you can imagine online. Privately, they’ll reveal to me that the day was complete chaos: the bride was in tears, there was huge amounts of stress, and, of course, no one really had a good time.
Secondly, some of the most pinned weddings on Pinterest would have a 6-figure floral budget – which conveniently isn’t mentioned. Completely unrealistic inspiration for 99% of people, yet these expectations are still floating around. And many weddings on there are, in fact, styled shoots, and these days, probably AI, so literally not real.
You know what’s crazy? The details you stress over will usually not be noticed by anyone except you. The only thing loved ones will notice (and which can show up in your photos)? When you’re stressed. When your energy is off and your vibe is sour.
At the end of the day, no one looks at their wedding photos and thinks, ‘man, I wish we had spent more on decorations’. They think about the laughter, the tears, the moments when they felt like their hearts would burst.
Your wedding is about you and your person and throwing a celebration that feels right for you – it’s really that simple!
Remember It’s Your Wedding, Not a Photoshoot
Your wedding doesn’t exist solely to be photographed!
In recent years and decades, we’ve seen weddings go from being sweet family get-togethers of varying sizes to more produced events. With that comes the expectation for a wedding to look and feel a certain way; to check the boxes for this trend or that look or that theme.
There is the phenomenon of wedding days feeling like a commercial photo shoot with a shot list, extensive behind-the-scenes crew, strict timeline, and, of course, the talent (you).
There is little left over at the end of the day to focus on the one or two things that matter. Firstly is the couple’s experience. You want to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. A close second is the guest experience. You want to create a day where they feel loved and included. After all, if you didn’t care about the guest experience, you would have eloped.
Everyone wants great photos. That part is a given. They are the tangible reminders of your joy and all the moments. But if it’s at the expense of actually enjoying your day – I mean really living in and feeling every emotion and being fully present with your partner and your people – I’d argue that’s a problem.
Your photographer is an integral part of your day. Who you choose will set the tone for much of the day especially the early part before the ceremony. Some of those moments will be more directed in nature in order to get the best out of it. But choose a photographer who can capture moments of everything as it happens, who leaves room for the unexpected and who can make art of your wedding.
What Really Makes a ‘Perfect Wedding’
After 8 years in the wedding industry and hundreds of weddings photographed, here’s my best advice (yes, I’ve saved the best for last!):
The perfect wedding has nothing to do with venues or flowers. It’s not about being Pinterest-worthy or magazine-ready. The perfect wedding is about energy. It’s about being relaxed, present, and completely in love with each other.
Ditch the traditions that don’t serve you. Let go of others’ expectations. Create a day that reflects your story together. Make new traditions. Your wedding is the party launcher. It’s the kickstarter to your marriage. At its heart, it’s two people promising their lives to each other. Everything else is a bonus – and you get to choose what you allow in.
Vibe with our approach? We tell wedding stories in San Francisco and all over the Bay Area. Let’s capture your unique love story! Find out more about how I work at the link below:
Zoe Larkin
I’m Zoe, a wedding photographer based in San Francisco! My style is candid, capturing authentic moments for my couples all over the Bay Area and Northern California. Creating content is my passion! Follow along the blog and Insta!
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