Planning a wedding? Here are the 20 most common regrets couples have about their big day – and how to avoid them. I compiled this list myself from years of stalking Reddit, wedding planning podcasts, Instagram, TikTok, and other online research, as well as learning directly from the 500+ weddings I’ve photographed.
Don’t make these mistakes when planning your wedding! 💍 Be sure to check out the video version of this blog post if you prefer to kick back and let me explain everything:
I compiled this list myself from years of stalking Reddit, wedding planning podcasts, Instagram, TikTok and other online research, as well as learning directly from the 500+ weddings I’ve photographed.
These are real regrets from real couples. Some might surprise you, while others might seem obvious. When you’re in the thick of wedding planning, it’s easy to get caught up in the details and forget about what matters.
Whether you’re just starting to plan or you’re in the final countdown to your big day, these insights will help you avoid some of the most common wedding planning pitfalls.
And remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to weddings. One person’s ‘regret’ (having a big wedding) might be another person’s biggest priority (having a huge once-in-a-lifetime party). You know yourselves and what’s important to you, so check out these regrets with a grain of salt. You never know, you might learn from the missteps of others, or get more clarity on your own values when it comes to wedding planning.
Table of Contents
1. Inviting Too Many Guests
When you invite too many guests, costs skyrocket. It’s actually not just the price per plate. Every additional guest affects everything from venue size to the number of centerpieces, favors, and invitations needed.
Even things like photography, videography, planning and bartending, as a larger guest count necessitates more staff members when it comes to these services. Plus, a larger guest list can make it harder to connect with everyone.
2. Hiring a Cheap Photographer
Hiring a cheap photographer might save money initially, but it often costs more in the long run. Photography is a specialized art, and an experienced photographer does more than just take photos. They set the tone for the day, ensure everyone is where they need to be, pose you and your guests efficiently, and deliver thoughtfully taken and beautifully edited photos.
I’m a compulsive Reddit user. I can’t count the number of times I’ve read, “I wish we’d invested more in our photographer. We picked someone just because they were affordable, and were super disappointed.”
3. Following Obligations Out of Tradition
It’s easy to feel pressured to include every wedding tradition just because “that’s how it’s done.” But do you really need the garter toss, bouquet toss, cake cutting, or even a first dance? I’ve seen one couple have a drag duo perform instead of a first dance.
Another couple had a dance workshop with an instructor, so everyone participated and learned something. Your wedding should reflect what matters to you, not what others expect.
4. Not Having a First Look
Not having a first look can be a missed opportunity for an intimate moment with your partner before the whirlwind of the day begins. Without it, you’re often left squeezing in family and wedding party photos between the ceremony and reception, taking up your entire cocktail hour.
Now, not everyone minds that, because initially, the cocktail hour came about as a way for guests to occupy themselves while the couple took photos.
But without a first look, you’ll spend much more of the day apart from one another as you won’t be connected until the ceremony begins. By that point, every guest will want to talk to you! One extra benefit is that you will get two sessions for romantics (the photos of the couple) – one immediately after the first look, and the second optimized for sunset sometime during the reception. These could be in two different locations.
In addition, you’ll have the chance to share private vows if you don’t wish to make this a public event in front of guests.
5. Having a Wedding Party
Having a wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen) might seem essential, but it’s becoming less common. Wedding parties can bring unexpected drama, additional costs, and coordination challenges that you might not want to deal with on your big day. The simple truth is that many wedding party members don’t stay in the couple’s lives past early adulthood, so centering your wedding around people that you knew in high school or college may prove unwise.
Another fact that no-one talks about (but I will!) is that many people of any age getting married simply do not have close friends. Please don’t allow yourself to feel ashamed or embarrassed because you look around and realize there is no one you’d even want to ask to be a bridesmaid.
6. Rushing Through the Day
Rushing through your wedding day can make it feel like a blur. Any wedding day is already a whirlwind; even if you have 10 hours of events, it goes by SO fast! (And that’s coming from a vendor who’s at work on a wedding day – it just flies by, every time!)
Ensure you allow enough time between events and include a buffer so you’re not feeling hurried. It’s easy to have an unfortunate knock-on effect when, for example, hair and makeup runs late, so that means the first look is late, which means the family formals run late, which means the ceremony runs late, and so on. When you have an unrushed day (which includes plenty of buffer time), the unfilled times absorb the impact when an event takes longer than expected. As a vendor who’s experienced hundreds of weddings, it’s far more likely that there is too much going on than ‘too much downtime’.
7. Not Detaching from the Timeline
While planning is important, remember to enjoy your day. Unexpected things will happen, and that’s okay. Many marriers’ favorite moments were the unscripted ones that weren’t on the timeline. Once all the planning is done, you need to release everything, knowing that you’ve worked it all out and every vendor that needed to know what’s happening, knows.
Anything that takes you out of the moment on the wedding day, including ironically the timeline, is not our friend. At the end of the day, we want you to enjoy every moment and not to worry that this wasn’t exactly how you had imagined it. Remember that it will work itself out.
8. Not Having a Back-Up Plan for Extreme Weather
Always have a backup plan for extreme weather – whether a heatwave, hurricane, rain, gale or snow. Whether renting an alternate venue or setting up tents, being prepared can save the day. One outdoor wedding I attended had to move indoors due to a sudden downpour, but the couple handled it with grace because they had a plan in the form of a rented tent.
Another wedding was an intimate one, intended to be out in the redwoods with zero rain cover. At the last minute, I offered them some practical and inexpensive solutions in the form of local community centers. Luckily, it didn’t end up raining, but I honestly don’t know what they would’ve done if the forecast didn’t turn around.
9. Not Hiring a Videographer
So not everyone wants a trailer that looks like a Hollywood blockbuster, but the real power of video is not just in moving image – it’s in capturing crisp sound. Without a videographer, you’re missing out on reliving the audio of key moments like vows and speeches.
Phone recordings just don’t cut it, as those in the videos won’t be wearing microphones. One couple regretted never hearing their parents’ toasts again because they only had muffled, echoey phone audio.
10. Doing Too Much DIY
DIY projects can add a personal touch, but they can also become overwhelming. It’s great for some folks, especially those who are on a tighter budget. If you are DIY-ing flowers for example, then purchasing/taking delivery, transportation, storage, physical labor of putting them together and creating an aesthetic all have to be taken into consideration.
If it’s DIY, then it’s either the couple or one of your guests that will be paying for with their time and energy on your wedding day.
I had a bride recently who decided to order DIY flowers and didn’t have a wedding planner. We were in the middle of the romantics after the first look, and she caught sight of where the venue staff had set up the flowers. She had to go over herself and move everything to the place she’d already told them. Without a skilled professional, mix-ups happen and it falls to you to put it right.
11. Skipping the Hair and Makeup Trial
Skipping your hair and makeup trial can lead to last-minute panic on the big day and there simply isn’t enough time to start over. I’ve seen brides change their entire look after a trial because they didn’t like the initial result or the artist didn’t suit their style. A trial ensures you feel confident and beautiful on your wedding day.
12. Not Allocating Enough Time to Getting Ready
Getting ready can be a relaxing start to your day, but it quickly becomes stressful if you don’t allow ample time. Make sure to allow way more time than you think you need. I mean like hours more time. I’ve seen brides panic over running late because they underestimated how long hair and makeup would take. It’s a shame because this is one of those times of the day that brides really look forward to.
Usually it’s not even as a result of the artist running late, giving an inaccurate timeframe, or being inexperienced. More often, it’s because the bride is frazzled, on the phone, running around and putting out fires, so the artist is unable to work on her.
But instead of being a chill, happy time, cheersing mimosas, chatting about jewelry and what the guys are up to, it’s stressful and everyone ends up feeling flustered and rushed.
13. Drinking Too Much Alcohol the Day of/Night Before
It’s tempting to celebrate your wedding weekend with a few drinks, but overindulging can definitely lead to regret. No one wants to feel foggy or unwell on their wedding day. This is one day that you will never want to forget, not barely remember.
14. Not Eating Enough Food
With all the excitement, nerves, and sheer adrenaline, it’s easy to forget to eat. Schedule times to eat and drink to stay energized and hydrated.
Not to mention, this is likely the most expensive meal of your life. You will not be thinking about food though, with all the excitement, so ensure the catering staff knows to bring passed apps to you and serve you first during dinner.
If your photographer wants to take sunset photos, but you’re still eating, make sure you finish your meal first!
15. Not Talking to Every Guest
It really sucks when people have traveled from far and wide and you haven’t even had a chance to say hello to them. If you want to talk to every guest, consider opting for a more manageable guest list and, if not, just having plenty of time for mingling.
Maybe your cocktail hour is an hour and a half or even longer. Or maybe you carve out time for table visits during or after dinner so that you actually do have an opportunity to say hello, at the very least, to all of your guests, if that’s important to you. There are only three real opportunities for mingling on a wedding day: cocktail hour, table visits and on the dancefloor. The only ideal one for true mingling is cocktail hour, so think about how you will possibly get through everyone, now that receiving lines are no longer the norm.
16. Not Directly Communicating with Family Members When and Where They’re Needed for Photos
Communicate photo times and locations with family members in advance. You need to tell them, “Hey, we will do photos at this time and this place. We need you to be there and photo-ready.” If you need to tell them to be there 15 or 30 minutes before they actually need to be there for photos because they’re notoriously late, then do that.
After the ceremony, people tend to scatter – some to the restroom, others to grab something from their car, and many to the bar. This is especially important for extended family members or friends who might not realize they’re needed for photos since typically only immediate family is included.
You can easily have your officiant make an announcement before folks scatter!
17. Not Taking Individual Photos with Particular Loved Ones
If you want individual photos with each bridesmaid or parent, plan for it. It won’t happen by accident. Create a list and give it to your photographer in advance. They will check off each photo grouping to ensure you capture the moments that matter to you.
Don’t assume that individual photos are just a given. Not everyone is close to each parent or each member of their wedding party, or values a photo of just them and that one other person. That’s why we don’t make any assumptions about the relationship dynamics of any individual.
18. Having Guest Favors
Guest favors are the gifts that you give to your guests to take home at the end of the night. Examples include coasters, scented candles, mugs, fans and bottle-openers.
These items, while you may think they are expected by guests, often go unnoticed. They can be a waste of money. I’ve seen beautifully packaged favors left behind at the end of the night.
If you feel like you must give the guests something to take home and remember your wedding by, consider something consumable – ideally edible. Personally, I’m not a big fan of yet more plastic and junk items that will sit around doing nothing and then be thrown away. I’d prefer to receive something like a chocolate, a jar of honey, olive oil, jelly beans or cookies. Better yet, ditch the favors and consider putting those funds toward something more memorable.
19. Not Having an After-Party Planned
If you want the celebration to continue, plan an after-party. Without a plan, you’ll lose time and guests while deciding on a location. It may not be possible to just walk in to a bar with such a large group. Also consider how everyone will get from A to B, given their state of inebriation.
This is why a plan is essential: you know exactly what’s going on, have a space reserved in a place you love, and a shuttle hired to take everyone from the venue to the bar and then back to their hotel again safely.
20. Not Having a Late-Night Snack / Not Having It Announced
A late-night snack can be a hit and worth the expense, but it needs to be announced. My friends actually got married recently and they had a late-night instant ramen bar. Make sure you have a DJ or someone to announce it. It’s dark by this point, and people aren’t looking for a snack.
Unless you have someone get on the mic and tell everyone, guests might miss out on enjoying that late-night treat that could have kept their energy up for the after-party!
So there you have it, the 20 biggest wedding regrets. Which one of these surprises you the most? Did you make any of these mistakes if you are already married? Or what would you add if I didn’t hit on your biggest wedding regret? Let me know in the comments.
Now let’s learn about the secret tips no-one tells you about your wedding! These little things can make a big difference 👇🏾
Zoe Larkin
I’m Zoe, a wedding photographer based in San Francisco! My style is candid, capturing authentic moments for my couples all over the Bay Area and Northern California. Creating content is my passion! Follow along the blog and Insta!
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