Hello! Nice to meet you. I’m Zoe, and I’ve spent more than ten years photographing weddings in the Bay Area, including hundreds of weddings at San Francisco City Hall.

Over the years I have worked with dozens of couples from the LGBTQ+ community, and I very much hope we’ll have the chance to work together.

In this article, I’m going to share some of what I’ve learned so far on my ongoing journey photographing LGBTQ+ weddings at City Hall, along with the approach I bring to every couple who trusts me to document their ceremony, so you can see whether I (or my team) could be a good match for your day. 

Every couple has their story and their own way of being together, which I love to document. Everyone has different ideas about surrounding their wedding vision, and how they want the experience to feel. 

What I have learned is that there is no single way to photograph an LGBTQ+ wedding. It takes experience. Curiosity. Confidence to direct, but also to know when to step back and observe. In this work, I have to be willing to see the people I’m photographing as individuals, rather than make assumptions about them. 

This is especially important at San Francisco City Hall, where things move fast. We don’t have much time to work together (perhaps just 2 hours). It’s no secret that these days, the building is always crowded with other people. Add to this mix: every couple has their own expectations and comfort level around being photographed. (Nearly every couple I work with says ‘we’re awkward in front of the camera’).

My job is to take all of that and turn it into imagery that’s meaningful and personal to each couple, but also to make the day-of experience fun and light.

By the way, I partly cringe at the term ‘LGBTQ+ wedding’ or ‘gay wedding’, because really, it’s a wedding. It’s not ‘other’. It’s a wedding where there happens to be two women, two men, etc. However, I decided to stick with it for the purposes of this piece, but in reality, I’m not thinking about ‘LGBTQ+ wedding’ as a special category, or something ‘other’.

What makes San Francisco City Hall so special for LGBTQ+ couples? 

I’d be remiss not to mention that San Francisco City Hall, of course, occupies a unique place in LGBTQ+ history. I never want to take that for granted. 

In 2004, then-Mayor Gavin Newsom directed the city to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, many years before marriage equality became federal law. Thousands of couples came to San Francisco City Hall during that brief period, waiting in lines that wrapped around the block, for the chance to have their relationships recognized.

For some couples, getting married at San Francisco City Hall carries a connection to that history, standing in the same building where so many fought for the right to marry openly and legally.

The bust of Harvey Milk sits within the rotunda, witnessing every Civil Ceremony. He was also assassinated inside the building, which is a sad part of that history. 

Over the years, I’ve photographed couples who felt deeply connected to City Hall’s role in the marriage equality movement, and others who saw it primarily as a practical and elegant place to get married.

What I find interesting is that City Hall makes room for all of those stories, whether your wedding feels historic, political, personal, or simply joyful. 

My history intentionally pursuing LGBTQ+ clients

If you’ll indulge me a moment, I want to take you back to where this all started for me.

Early in my career as a wedding photographer, I made a conscious effort to photograph LGBTQ+ couples (which I did for free in return for education). Not because I wanted to add a rainbow badge to my website, but because I wanted to learn directly from real people. I wrote about those experiences in the article below. 

 

This was honestly a safe space for me where I could ask all my silly questions (especially to trans and non-binary people at a time when there was a lot more misunderstanding and prejudice). 

I wanted to know not just what was important to them when they were choosing a photographer. But about THEM. Who were they, what was their journey through life? What made them feel good? What made them feel weird or got their hackles up? What questions were helpful to ask? What was not? What things should I not assume?

Photographing those couples gave me the chance to ask them questions, and their answers really changed the way I do this work now (shoutout to them!). 

My approach to photographing LGBTQ+ couples at City Hall

In all my experience, I’ve learned that there is no such thing as a typical LGBTQ+ couple.

Some couples are deeply connected to the LGBTQ+ community and want their wedding to reflect that. Others see themselves simply as two people getting married, and intentionally denounce the labels and the rainbows. Some have spent years imagining this day. Others approach the day more spontaneously. Many grew up believing they’d never get married.

One reason I love photographing LGBTQ+ weddings is that they are always different. I genuinely love people, and finding out what makes them tick and all their little quirks.

So I ask questions. I listen and observe. I try my best to understand who my couples are and what they are most drawn to – because no two couples have the same expectations when it comes to both their wedding experience and their photos.

Sometimes that means talking about gender expression, and gauging both how important an issue that is to somebody, and also where on the spectrum they fall. The way a person dresses can give some clues about their relationship to their gender, but it doesn’t tell the whole story, and such assumptions can be dangerous (e.g. a lesbian wearing a suit wants to be portrayed as ‘masculine’). I prefer to lead with curiosity and respect. 

I also seek to understand how a couple naturally shows affection, which I usually pick up on visually once I have a chance to observe their chemistry up close. This isn’t so much something I can prepare for in advance (unless you have specific preferences you want to share with me), as it involves my own intuition and trying things out. 

I’m interested in learning about the people who are important to my clients, and the relationships that have shaped their lives. Listening is a huge part of this work. 

I’ve also learned that queerness is not always visible from the outside. Some LGBTQ+ couples are immediately recognized as such. Others may look, to outsiders, like a cis-het couple, such as a bisexual person marrying someone of another gender, or a trans person whose identity is not obvious at first glance. I try not to make assumptions based on appearances, labels, or who someone is marrying. 

The approach has served me well at San Francisco City Hall, where the process is fast-paced and often very intimate in scope. Trust is crucial. When couples feel understood, they tend to relax. When they relax, the photographs become stronger.

Why I keep coming back to this work

The reason I keep coming back to this work is manifold:

• Every couple deserves to be photographed with care, clarity, and real attention to who they are. Not flattened into a template. Not made to perform someone else’s idea of romance. Not treated as a category. Not photographed because it looks inclusive on Instagram or adds diversity to a portfolio. 
• I care deeply about the people who have been overlooked in traditional wedding narratives. It matters to me to see people clearly, especially those who have not always been represented fully, faithfully, or consistently in this industry.
• I love photographing people who have spent time figuring out who they are. LGBTQ+ weddings often invite a deeper kind of attention because identity, presentation, family, and belonging may have already been examined closely. That makes the work feel more truthful to me.
• Being trusted with these stories is a privilege. Some are joyful and uncomplicated. Some carry distance, grief, or hard-won validation. Whatever the story is, I don’t take lightly the fact that couples let me into it.

Why representation still matters

Representation is important. I believe couples should be able to see evidence that a photographer has experience with people like them. Not just one token image from an opportunistic styled shoot buried in a portfolio, but a real body of work that reflects different couples, identities, presentations, and ways of being together. 

Even now, the wedding industry still defaults heavily toward a narrow version of what weddings look like. Young, thin, cis, able-bodied, straight, mostly white couples are still overrepresented in vendor portfolios. 

For me, representation is part of the work itself, rather than a marketing statement. 

One thing to note, for those that wonder: I’m often asked whether I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community myself. I’m not. What I am is deeply curious about people, committed to understanding them, and grateful for the trust my couples place in me.

How I work at SF City Hall specifically

San Francisco City Hall is an unquestionably beautiful place to get married, but it is also a working government building. On any given day, there may be multiple weddings taking place alongside tourists, quinceañeras, school groups, guided tours, protestors, and staff members going about their day. Even large event set-up may take place on any given day — usually after 12pm — rendering the iconic Grand Staircase out of bounds.

That environment can feel a little overwhelming if you’ve never been there before, or feel a little wary around crowds of strangers.

One advantage of working with a photographer who specializes in City Hall weddings is that I already know how the process works. While I’m no oracle, and can’t guarantee any specific outcomes beyond what I’m directly in control of, I know when to wait for a space to open up, how much time to allow for different areas, when to pick up the pace, when to give up and move on, and when it makes more sense to head elsewhere and come back later.

I also give a lot of direction throughout the session. I’ll show you where to stand, what to do with your hands, how to navigate a building full of people, and will, in essence, guide you through the experience step by step. This also transfers over to formal group photos (typically family, but sometimes friends), who look to me for guidance.

When you work with us, you’ll also benefit from our customized editing process. Our in-house editing team removes bystanders and other distracting elements from your romantics, ceremony, and formal groupings. So, even if it’s a super busy day, your photos won’t necessarily reflect the chaos and crowds (though things might take a little longer day-of).

To read more about what I recommend for timelines, or if you want to build your own, I recommend checking out my detailed guide linked below:

When you work with us, we take care of creating your custom timeline for your wedding day before you even book, taking into account your coverage priorities and budget.

What if we work with an associate photographer?

What if you’ve connected with my work and want to know what the experience will be like if you choose to work with one of my associate photographers, not me personally, or I’m not available?

Photographing an LGBTQ+ wedding is not treated as a special assignment within my team. This is the Bay Area, after all. My associates have photographed LGBTQ+ weddings before, and I only work with experienced photographers who are professional, respectful, and comfortable working with a wide range of couples and identities. 

Before any photographer joins the team, this is addressed from the beginning as part of the screening and application process. A significant portion of our work involves photographing LGBTQ+ weddings and couples. If that’s something a photographer is uncomfortable with for any reason, they wouldn’t be part of my team to begin with.  

Regarding the process of working together, I’ll be your sole point of contact throughout, handling the communication and planning. You’ll have a chance to virtual-meet your associate photographer (should you choose that option), shortly before the wedding, so they don’t feel like a stranger day-of. For my own services, I choose to invest my time in resources such as these and across my Instagram, YouTube and Tiktok, so you can vibe-check me that way.

Choosing an associate photographer is not the same as hiring me personally. That’s reflected in the pricing. But you should expect the same level of professionalism, care, and respect, regardless of which of our team members documents your wedding day.

Direction without assumptions

As mentioned, I give a lot of direction when I photograph couples at City Hall. You are not expected to arrive knowing how to pose or what will look good on camera. (Though I do provide extensive, non-heteronormative resources for those gold-star clients who like to be prepared!)

At the same time, I don’t believe direction should come from a fixed script. Meaning I don’t have a lesbian posing routine, a gay male posing routine, or a genderless posing formula. That kind of approach still puts people into artificial categories. 

Instead, I pay attention to how each person presents, moves, and relates to their partner. I may ask how each person would like to be portrayed in their photos: more masculine, more feminine, a mix of both, neither, or something more specific to you. 

At one time, ‘genderless posing’ was touted as the next big thing in our industry. But over time, I learned: gender does not need to be erased for posing to feel poignant or respectful. For some people, gender expression is a major part of how they want to be seen. For others, it feels less central. I seek to understand what feels right for each person and each couple.  

I also bring a lot of humor and silliness! When explaining to my LGBTQ+ couples to bring a soft bend to their arms and legs, I’ll say ‘remember, you’re not straight, why should your legs be?’ or if I suggest a playful leg kick to a couple of grooms, I may add ‘…Or, wait… too gay?’. Of course, I’ll play it by ear but I find that humor can help to remind couples I’m on their side, and to of course help them open up and smile and laugh (even if it’s just to laugh at me… whatever it takes).

I sometimes even suggest poses with — shock, horror — more traditional gendered connotations! I love the idea of reclaiming or redefining some ‘old fashioned’ romantic poses. Why? Because they’re cute! And why can you not kiss your partner’s hand? 

My twist on the old-fashioned posing involved switching things around, offering each partner the chance to be on both the giving and receiving ends of each heteronormative pose (in which the groom traditionally leads). For example: 

• Kissing your partner’s hand
• Twirling your partner 
• Kissing your partner’s cheek 
• Leading your partner 
• Standing behind your partner (if one person naturally falls into the ‘big spoon’ position because they’re taller, why not try the reverse and adjust the pose a bit?) 

All of this creates variety and keeps one person from being placed into the same role in every image. 

Affection, PDA, and being photographed in public

I once heard it said that, when photographing same-sex couples, showing them kissing on the lips matters because it clearly shows the relationship as romantic, not merely close or friendly.

I understand that point. Visibility matters, for sure. But since I heard that, I’ve encountered plenty of couples for whom kissing on camera does not feel natural or authentic to them. They just weren’t big on full-on lip-smackers, and they took care to let me know that this shouldn’t be a significant part of their posing routine.

So, I’ve come to understand: some couples are naturally affectionate in public, or just in general. Others are more reserved, or simply don’t show their love by lip-kissing. That may come from personality, culture, family dynamics, or years of caution around being visibly queer in public, especially in a building full of onlookers — even a place considered a safe space for LGBTQ+ people.  

I don’t force every couple into the same level of intimacy. Whether you feel comfortable with lots of kissing, touch, and closeness, or prefer to work with smaller gestures, movement, laughter, or simply standing together in a way that feels connected, we can find the right comfort level for you — somewhere closer to romantic than awkward. 

Family, chosen family, and who is present

Family can be one of the most tender parts of any wedding, and sometimes one of the most complicated. I try not to make assumptions about who will be standing beside a couple on their wedding day, or about what may be going on behind the scenes.

I understand that even if a loved one is physically present, there may still be judgment or disapproval beneath the surface.  

Of course, it makes me happy to see LGBTQ+ couples surrounded by loving, supportive families. Parents, siblings, grandparents, and long-time friends can be some of the most emotional and enthusiastic people present at City Hall weddings, fully present and visibly proud. Those moments are beautiful to witness and impossible to fake.

At the same time, that is not everyone’s experience, and I want to hold space for that too. Some couples have family members who are unable or unwilling to attend. Relationships may be strained, complicated, or absent altogether. A missing parent. A relationship that has changed.

Those situations can look very different from one couple to the next. Some are long-standing rifts. Others are fresh wounds that perhaps even emerged during the wedding planning process itself.

Those absences do not all mean the same thing. Sometimes there is real grief attached – a complicated kind of grief that doesn’t always have an obvious place in a wedding-day conversation.

On that note, I’ve spent time educating myself about queer grief, and while it may not apply to everyone, it has helped me better understand some of the experiences couples have shared with me over the years. (Shoutout to Queer Grief Club – Jamie used to be a wedding photographer in the Bay Area!)

But not every absence carries the same weight. Some couples have already made peace with it. Chosen family can fill the room with so much love that nothing feels missing at all. Other couples keep the day intentionally private, even though there may still be a painful story beneath the smiles.

I try not to arrive with that story already written in my head. My job is to notice the couple’s energy, photograph the people who showed up, and stay sensitive to the fact that a wedding day can hold more than one emotion at once.

As storytellers by trade, it’s tempting to impose a narrative onto the events we see unfolding in front of our lenses. To fill in the gaps with our own perspectives. But being a good wedding photographer means holding space, and observing without judgment.

If there are tricky family dynamics you’d like us to be aware of, it’s really helpful to let us know in advance. There’s a place to share this in your Photography Planning Document.

LGBTQ+ San Francisco City Hall wedding photos

A selection of LGBTQ+ weddings I’ve personally photographed at San Francisco City Hall. If you’d like to see full galleries, whether by me or my team of associate photographers, please ask when you inquire.

Looking for a photographer for your LGBTQ+ wedding at San Francisco City Hall? 

I’ve spent more than a decade photographing weddings at San Francisco City Hall and around the Bay Area, including many dozens of LGBTQ+ weddings.

I seek to make the experience feel grounded, affirming, and true to the two people at its center.

If you’re an LGBTQ+ couple planning a wedding at San Francisco City Hall and want photographs that feel thoughtful, stylish, and true to you, I’d love to hear from you! Reach out at the link above or here.